At any point in time, there is a cacophony of dissonant sounds bellowing throughout our house. Whether it’s Julian’s incessant singing or Keanu’s baby yelps, finding a quiet space of my own can be challenging. But inside our master bathroom, on the east side of the wall, there are two mirrored doors. When you open them, you’ll find our closet and sometimes me. That’s where I usually hide. Last Thursday was no exception.

It was the morning of my surgery — a lymph node excision — and I needed some alone time. Merely 10 days prior I had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and the lymph node was being removed for further diagnostics. So, there in the closet I sat, legs crossed and a rosary in my hand. A flame from a Virgin Mary candle flickered in front of me, and I focused on its undulating flare.

Through prayer and guided meditation, I had been working on being mindful and staying in the present. That morning I was doing pretty well, when the most unpleasant noise disrupted my focus.  Continue reading “2nd Installment – Post Diagnosis / Pre Treatment” →

Happy nails is the newest trend of applying a powdered dip on to your existing nails. It lies somewhere on the spectrum between acrylics and a regular manicure. A long-lasting manicure that is not supposed to chip, break or easily peel off. On Tuesday Oct. 1, 2019 — the day after my birthday — I ripped my happy nails off, one by one.

Dazedly swimming in the earth-shattering news I had been given a few hours prior, I was curled up on my bed, detaching the hardened polish from my own nail beds. Tears clouding my sight, fogging my contacts and soaking my sheets.

Hogdkin’s Lymphoma. The words reverberated like a fiery pinball bouncing off every corner of my mind. Continue reading “Diagnosis” →